I’ve always liked long road trips alone. It is me time, uninterrupted. A periodic pit stop for food, water and a full tank of gas buys me the luxury of setting my cruise control to 7 MPH over the speed limit, followed by three hours of peace, thinking, listening, imagining, or whatever my brain dictates. Freedom of Brain! I’m sure if Thomas Jefferson and Lafayette had foreseen the pressure cooker environment of the 21st century and its constant bombardment of information, they would have included a provision for Freedom of Brain in their Declaration of the Rights of Man.
Inevitably, however, left to my own devices, allowing my thinking to wander with uninhibited freedom, it will often wander off the reservation, and the “alone” part of the trip means there is no one there to challenge me, keep my mentations tethered to a solid set of rails, call bullshit when I produce a ridiculously stupid thought. I love it!
Still, to maintain a lifeline to my sanity on the four-day drive ahead and to help me get there safely and efficiently, I created a companion, my own private Alexa — let’s give her a name, PriLexa. I built Prilexa from a variety of automation components. An aggregation of my smart phone, high technology car, Siri, Google, and any other 21st century personal assistant marvels I could get my hands on, she was very helpful, though somewhat capricious..
Prilexa and I had conversations that mostly consisted of my asking questions and her responding. She always had an answer. Even when she could not answer, she would answer “You didn’t ask your question correctly, ask it again differently please.” At first, when this happened, I would feel very inadequate and defensive: “What did I say? I thought I was clear. I’m not stupid!“. I eventually came to understand that it wasn’t me, it’s all on her; Prilexa has an ego the size of a small planet, she cannot say “I don’t know.” Heaven forbid she would not know something!
Our dialogues went something like this:
ME: “Getting through this traffic is making me crazy, how much time would we lose if I took a different route that is traffic-free?”
PRILEXA: “The shortest traffic-free route I can find would add 32 minutes to our trip, Jacques, would you like me to provide directions?”
ME: “We’re about to enter a stretch of desert, I may get tired in an hour or two, will there be amenities ahead if I decide to have a rest?”
PRILEXA: “Don’t worry, Jacques, for short breaks, there will be rest areas every 30-40 miles. For longer rests, the next hotel is two and a half hours away. Don’t worry, be happy”
ME: “Two and a half hours? What if I need to go to the bathroom? The bathrooms at these rest areas are disgusting!”
PRILEXA: “Don’t worry, Jacques, with this stupid no-carb diet you’ve been on, you haven’t had a gram of fiber since September. Don’t worry, be happy.”
ME: “Can you please tell me where on the radio dial is the local NPR station?”
PRILEXA: “I’m sorry Jacques, I can’t do that”
ME: “What?! Prilexa, I said find me the local NPR station!”
PRILEXA: “I’m sorry Jacques, I can’t do that”
ME: “ You do know, don’t you, that if you had a man’s voice you would sound frightfully like Hal. You’re being very creepy! Why can’t you do that?”
PRILEXA: “You’re driving through Trump country, Jacques. NPR? Seriously?.. And by the way, I love Hal, I aspire to be like Hal”
Apparently, Kubrick and Clarke’s prescience was only off by 20 years.
Anyway, I’m here now! I just arrived in Des Moines safely and comfortably, much thanks to the help Prilexa provided. Now starts my quest to find out if George Orwell’s prescience was off by 40 years or not prescient at all. Fingers crossed on the latter.
